just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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