I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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