last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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