Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
