It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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