So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
