Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
