Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
