Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
