so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
