I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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