come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
