How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
