my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
