More tranny stories later!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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