he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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