Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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