I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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