Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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