I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
