I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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