i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
