Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize