Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
