We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
