I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
