I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
