I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
