Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
