life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
