i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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