so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
