how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
