i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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