I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
