Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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