Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
