I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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