well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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