you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
