Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
