I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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