Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
