i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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