just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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