Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
