this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
