I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
