allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
