toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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