She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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