dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
