i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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