Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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