I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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