That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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