i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
