i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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