Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize