Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
