I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
