Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
