Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
