So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
