Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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